Tradition! Or, Ramblings on the Church's View of Marriage

NERD ALERT!

This is going to be a relatively deep, theological discussion on marriage, addressing what I see as the two main lies that circle Christian singles today...........


You've been warned. Proceed at your own risk!

"There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage"---- Martin Luther

Ahh...... good old Luther. I plead my rights if there's too many Luther quotes in here proportional to everyone else!

Lets start with what is probably the best description of the purpose of marriage I've seen yet...

"The ultimate purpose [of marriage] is to obey God, to find aid and counsel against sin; to call upon God; to seek, love, and educate children for the glory of God; to live with one’s wife in the fear of God and to bear the cross; but if there are no children, nevertheless to live with one’s wife in contentment; and to avoid all lewdness with others"---- Martin Luther

In today's Christian world, basically everybody falls off one cliff or another. Either they say that singleness is preferred to marriage, or that singles are not complete people.
 
I'm going to try to address both positions in turn, then add a few other thoughts at the end.

#1-- Singleness is Better Than Marriage

Most people likely will try to pin this on the Catholic church. Roman Catholics have struggled over the years with balancing the Sacraments of Marriage and Holy Orders.(Priestly Ordination and Monastic Vows.) However, I've found that the people who push this now are those who fall into popular youth ministry groups, and strangely enough, groups who push for  waiting for your spouse and staying pure. (Which are wonderful, Godly things.)

The logic goes like this--
'Paul says everyone should stay like he is, and he was single. So was Jesus, Nehemiah, Barnabas..... (Insert long list of Biblical figures) So, you really don't need to get married unless you want to have kids. Jesus is all you need.'
Before I can go further, I need to give a 30 second lesson on Vocation. This is the doctrine that everything in life, if done by a devout Christian man or woman is service to God. The pastor who preaches is no better than a plumber fixing a leak. The mom changing diapers is no less than a bishop. God created us, and all our vocations to give him glory and serve our neighbor.
Therefore-- Long term singleness is a Vocation. Some people have been gifted with an ability to be single for a long time, some haven't. That doesn't mean that everyone who's supposed to get married will get married at the same time, it means that God only gifts people with grace to be single for as long as it takes for everyone to get mature and get together.
Ultimately, this falls into the Early Church heresy of Gnosticism, which said that everything on this earth was dirty and polluted, and truly spiritual people would leave all of that behind in pursuit of God. The entire Gospel of John was written to showcase the things about Jesus that were contrary to Gnosticism.

Invariably, a single person expressing a desire to be married ends with someone tritely saying 'You just need Jesus.' Usually, this person is married.
It is true that Jesus can soothe the unsettledness and stress of  the single life. He gives us the Sacrament of the Altar to assure us that He is always with us. He gives us families, churches and pastors to surround us with love and support. He gives us His word to show us His love. He sticks a pastor in front of us to pronounce His forgiveness when we struggle and fall into lust, envy, discontentment, and covetousness.

However, most singles who long for marriage are longing for the companionship, togetherness and affection of marriage. They long to be the most important person in someone's life. They want to be able to partner with another person in this life. And yes, they long for physical affection and the marriage bed.

Jesus isn't going to remove these desires.

To do so would be against His creation. He made marriage to fulfill those longings, and to placate or remove those desires Himself would be to change natural laws that He wrote.

After all, even in a perfect garden, with a perfect, sinless relationship with  God, Adam was alone. And it was not good.

As Luther says--

"There is nothing disgraceful about it (desire to be married) Celibacy is supposed to be a virtue, but it is a veritable gift of God, just as if a person did not eat or drink.... There are not many virgins to whom God has granted a long life; rather, hurriedly He whisked them out of this world, like Cecilia, Agnes, Lucia, Agatha and others like them. I know full well how noble that treasure is, but also how difficult it is to preserve for any length of time."

God didn't tell Adam to get closer to Him so that He could fulfill Adam's loneliness.... He created the women to fill it.
Tertullian, one of the Church Fathers, wrote this--

"How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life that they follow, in the religion they practice... They are, in very truth, two in flesh."

This doesn't mean that the single person is destined to be a partnerless, useless sock. It just means that nobody should trivialize the intense, innate longings of the single man or woman.

#2-- A Single Person is Useless.
Honestly, I don't hear this much anymore, except around groups like the Anabaptists and certain conservative homeschool groups.
However, let's get it out of the way.
A single person can do a lot. They can do so many things a married person can't, because of decreased demands on time, energy, money and attention.
Single people are perfect for those roles that are too time consuming and/or dangerous for a married couple.
I know a couple of single guys that have been on mission trips to the Middle East recently. The areas that they are in are too unstable to bring a family into.  This is a wonderful reason to be single.

Ultimately, this is what it all comes down to:
Do you have a logical, Biblical reason for your state, whether married or single.

John Chrystosom says it nicely:

"So whether we presently live in our virginity, in our first marriage, or in our second, let us pursue holiness, that we may be counted worthy to see Him and to attain the Kingdom of Heaven, through the grace and love for mankind of our Lord Jesus."

Concluding thoughts:

Marriage is beautiful
Singleness is beautiful.
We need to support and help all our Christian brothers and sisters, whatever their marriage status.
And in an age that scorns normal, loyal, faithful, Christ Honoring marriage....
Lets especially support those among us who are longing for marriage.


And, in closing, a couple of  really fun Luther quotes on marriage:

"There’s a lot to get used to in the first years of marriage. One wakes up in the morning and finds a pair of pigtails on the pillow that were not there before."

 "In domestic affairs I defer to Katie. Otherwise, I am led by the Holy Ghost."

And, some cool quotes I found during research that I couldn't squish in anywhere else:

 “An intelligent, discreet, and pious young woman is worth more than all the money in the world. Tell her that you love her more than your own life, because this present life is nothing, and that your only hope is that the two of you pass through this life in such a way that, in the world to come, you will be united in perfect love” – St. John Chrysostom

And for the gals:

 "First, look for a husband who will really be a husband and a protector; remember that you are placing a head on a body. When your daughter is to be married, don’t look for how much money a man has. Don’t worry about his nationality or his family’s social position […] When you are satisfied that the man is virtuous and decide what day they will be married, beseech Christ to be present at the wedding. He is not ashamed to come for marriage is an image of His presence in the Church. Even better than this: pray that your children will each find such a virtuous spouse; entrust this concern of yours into His hands. If you honor Him in this way, He will return honor for honor." John Chrystosom

 And this lovely description:

“They are as brother and sister, both servants of the same Master. Nothing divides them, either in flesh or in Spirit. They are in very truth, two in one flesh; and where there is but one flesh there is also but one spirit.

“They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another.

“Side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another, they never shun each other’s company; they never bring sorrow to each other’s hearts… Psalms and hymns they sing to one another.

“Hearing and seeing this, Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are two together, there also He is present, and where He is….there evil is not.” – Tertullian

And this:

 "The love of husband and wife is the force that welds society together. Men will take up arms and even sacrifice their lives for the sake of this love. St. Paul would not speak so earnestly about this subject without serious reason; why else would he say, “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord?” Because when harmony prevails, the children are raised well, the household is kept in order, and neighbors, friends, and relatives praise the result. Great benefits, both of families and states, are thus produced. When it is otherwise, however, everything is thrown into confusion and turned upside-down."   John Chrystosom, Homily on Ephesians 5:22-23