Belle Didn't Meet Her Prince on Tinder

Online Dating.

It's on of those things that has become accepted in our culture as a normal way to meet someone. Nobody seems to think about how truly strange it is to enter a few bits of data into a profile, and determine if someone is worth your time based on that.

I have bemoaned to a couple of pastors about the total lack of men, and you'd be surprised how often people tell me to try online dating.

As an 18 year old, I always thought of online dating as being for people over thirty. While Tinder has changed some of that, the average age for dating sites that still focus mostly on long term relationships, like Match.com and eHarmony is-- older. Match.com tells us on their website that over 70% of users are over 30, eHarmony tells us that the average age is between 35-54. Almost all dating sites have seniors as around a quarter of users. Tinder has younger users--over 80% are under 30.... but Tinder is so different, I'll address it separately later.

Only about 17% of marriages were started online... compared to over 60% who met through friends.

A third of people who used dating sites have never even gone on a date with someone they met on that site.

Half of online dating users lie about something in their profile-- usually physical appearance, age, education, or income.

A quarter of users also have other people help them construct the most appealing profile-- meaning that even if they don't out right lie, they may not tell you everything.

Yet another half tell us that they've dated more than one person at a time through one of these sites.

And most importantly, only 5% of people who are in either marriage or a committed relationship-- met online. That tells me that online marriages may not have the same staying power as normal relationships.


I have several problems with online dating.

One is this-- as online dating becomes more and more popular, it has often been reduced to simply "Swiping" based on physical appearance only. Those long algebraic equations have been reduced to a couple second glance at someone's posed headshot.
Sounds like a good way to find a spouse to me.

Another is that I'm hopelessly paranoid about people who lie, fudge details, or leave out important info. Don't tell me that you haven't heard some rendition or another of the classic "Said he was 6' 3" was actually 5'5"" and "Said she was a size 6 blonde, turned into a size 20 brunette." And that's not counting the real risk of meeting a predator, pimp or abusive man online. Yes, I know it's rare..... but that fact is that it is real, and I don't like "Small Chances" when it comes to things like domestic abuse and trafficking.

I hate meeting people online. It seems contrived and aloof to me. Really, how deep can you get in a relationship that started with you liking her jersey in a selfie?

I don't even have "The Book of Faces." You expect me to try to meet the man I could spend forever with through tiny profile and a 1"x1" picture? Lets be real.

Most of the young people on online dating sites aren't looking for a long term partner, just a hook-up. Tinder makes that clear by basing things of first impressions of pictures. In real life, many people marry spouses they didn't initially think were physically attractive, because they liked the person's humor, depth, smarts or spiritual intensity.



So, You ask, what do I recommend?
Set ups.
No, really.
Ask the people you know who are happily married how many met through parents, friends, pastors or family.
My own parents met through a high school friend.
Married people, set us up. Be thoughtful about it, but don't be shy.
Single people, be willing to meet people. If they don't sound like a jerk, slob or sex offender, go for it. The woman at church's grandson in the army, or your parent's friend's daughter, or your pastor's nephew, or your friend's sister... all could be God's chosen person for you... or not. But you won't know if you refuse to meet them.

And guys?
Don't be scared to initiate conversation with girls. We're waiting!
And girls?
Talk to them when they start a conversation.