April 9, 2018

Saints in Full Color





In memory and celebration of the recent anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr's assassination last week, I decided to present two of my (many) favorite saints... one of whom is the patron of African Americans, and the other is a former slave.

Here we go!

St. Martin de Porres


Dates: 1579-1639
Patronage: African Americans, Barbers, Innkeepers, Hairdressers, Racial relations and Social Justice.

St Martin de Porres was a young man of mixed race, born in Peru in 1579. His mother was a African slave, his father a rich Spanish official. His father rejected him from birth because of his dark skin, and for most of his life he lived a destitute life with the poorest of the poor. He experience rejection both from the Spanish and from Africans, because he was neither black enough or white enough.

When he was 12, he was apprenticed to a barber-surgeon, who taught him both how to cut hair and how to preform minor surgery and other health care.

Soon after, he applied to the Dominican order as a lay helper, feeling that he wasn't worthy to become a full brother.

After nine years, he was accepted as a fully vowed lay brother, even though Peruvian law didn't allow mixed race man to take monastic vows. As a brother, he quickly became the head monk over the infirmary.

He often got himself in trouble with his superiors for treating people who were poor or of darker skin.

As the supply man for both the monastery and the chapel, he regularly ordered extra supplies to give out to the poor, becoming know as someone who would give out anything with reckless abandon.
Word went out on the streets that Brother Martin would give out "Blankets, candles, medicine, shirts, candy, miracles or prayers!"

His compassion extended even to the animals, where he permanently angered the cook by sheltering the mice and rats, saying that they were hungry too. His Abbot finally gave up and provided him with shelter for a motley assortment of stray cats and dogs.

Once, when he monastery was suffering financially, he offered to be sold as a slave to provide income for his brothers, saying, "I am only a poor little brown brother. I am the property of this order, so sell me!"

He is most famous for saying that all work is sacred, no matter how lowly or menial, and for selflessly serving all people, regardless of gender, race, creed, or wealth.


                                                          St Josephine Bakhita

Date: 1869-1947
Patronage: Sudan


Born in the Sudan, Bakhita was kidnapped by slavers at the age of 7.

She was owned by several slave masters, some of whom were pleasant to her, part of whom were unspeakably cruel.

In 1883, she was sold to the Italian consul, who took her back to Italy when his term ended.

Not long after her arrival, she was sold to a family friend, and became a nanny to his daughter.

When her charge entered confirmation, she too felt draw to the Catholic church, and in 1890, she was baptized and confirmed, taking the name Josephine.

When her family returned to Africa, she refused to go with them, and thanks to the efforts of the Nuns who catechized her, she won the court battle, and her freedom.

In 1893, she entered the convent of St Magdalene of Canossa, professing vows 3 years later.

She became her convent's cook and seamstress, dearly beloved by all her saw her beautiful smile or beheld her happy personality.

She became the de facto guardian of all the children in the town, providing all who needed it with food, clothes, school supplies, hugs, prayers, rosaries and big smiles.

Visitors to the Convent remembered her for her warm, charismatic personality and her sheepish embarrassment towards her struggling Italian.

Her unofficial title among the villagers was the "Little Brown Sister" and the "Black Mother."

March 28, 2018

Telling the Whole Story



A lot of my friends are excited about Easter...

I'll admit, I'm excited too... But not just for Easter. I feel like we're forgetting something amid the plastic eggs, Jelly beans, and plush bunny rabbits.

We forget the real story.

A story not easily rendered in pastels on a greeting card.
A story of pain, betrayal, torture and surrender.


That's why I don't just go to church on Easter morning when everything is bright and happy and the tomb is empty.
And that is why I present to you Holy Week.... in four clips of the Liturgy.

I go to church on Maundy Thursday, when Jesus gives us the greatest gift of all-- His own Body... Before wailing in the garden and being taken to be tried.
 
I will watch as the altar, formerly draped with the purple of Lent, is stripped of all color and left bare.
 
 
 I will be in church the following night when we read the text of His Holy Passion, and remember everything He did to win us back from the Devil.
 
I will hear the symbolic closing of the tomb, and leave in blackness and silence, just like John and the Virgin Mary left the tomb 2,000 years ago.
 

 
 
I will be in church again on Saturday as we hold a wake over the tomb, reading the promises and begging for the Light of Christ to shine again.
 
I light my candle in the hope that Christ has overcome death, hell and the devil.... and will help me overcome.
 
Then,
I will return on Sunday, filled with joy, and we will pronounce,
 
"He is risen!
Alleluia, He is risen indeed!"
 


 
 
 I pray that all of you have a blessed Holy Week, and wonderful Easter! 

March 16, 2018

Cover Reveal!



I'm so excited to be able to be a part of this cover reveal! You may remember that I featured Tricia Mingerink's Blades of Acktar series in my Top Five Books of 2017 post.... read that here.

So... when I heard that she was releasing a new book... the beginning of a new series, I was beyond excited.

And now, we have a cover image and a description!

Here it is!

 
Isn't it pretty?!  
 
About the book: 
A prince cursed to sleep.
A princess destined to wake him.
A kingdom determined to stop them.
 High Prince Alexander has been cursed to a sleep like unto death, a curse that will end the line of the high kings and send the Seven Kingdoms of Tallahatchia into chaos. With his manservant to carry his luggage and his own superior intelligence to aid him, Alex sets off to find one of the Fae and end his curse one way or another.
A hundred years later, Princess Rosanna learns she is the princess destined by the Highest King to wake the legendary sleeping prince. With the help of the mysterious Daemyn Rand, can she find the courage to finish the quest as Tallahatchia wavers on the edge of war?
One curse connects them. A hundred years separate them. From the rushing rivers of Tallahatchia’s mountains to the hall of the Highest king himself, their quests will demand greater sacrifice than either of them could imagine. 
Release Date: May 28, 2018



About the author: 

DSC09450-2 

Tricia Mingerink is a twenty-something, book-loving, horse-riding country girl. She lives in Michigan with her family and their pack of pets. When she isn’t writing, she can be found pursuing backwoods adventures across the country.
You can connect with her on FacebookPinterestGoodreadsTwitterInstagram, and her blog.


To make things even more exciting, Tricia Mingerink is going to be co-hosting a blog tour from May 22 to 28 with Sarah Addison-Fox to celebrate the release of both of their latest books. Her next book Dissociate releases May 22. More details about blog tour will be coming in April.  


 

March 13, 2018

Red and Yellow, Black and White...

I am a proudly confessional, liturgical, historical, Biblical Lutheran. I sing out of the Lutheran Service Book each Sunday, use Luther's Morning Prayer almost every day, sing A Mighty Fortress with gusto and cross myself obsessively.

I am also a Lutheran in the eyes of people.... that must mean I take liturgically colored gelatin cubes to potlucks, adore tuna noodle casserole (I mean hotdish), drink lots of black coffee, have German ancestors, and, of course, hate change.


Thus, the famous Lutheran joke....

How Many Lutherans Does it Take To Change a Lightbulb?

 
Answer:

CHANGE!?!?!

Or, this alternative answer.....

Enough to create a Light Bulb Committee to address these topics:
1) determine first if they need a new light bulb
2) If they determine they need one.... debate if it is worth the change
3) Research different light bulbs and present their findings to the church council who can make a recommendation for the congregational vote in November.
4) determine if they need a "change the light bulb team" to help turn the ladder while someone holds the bulb.
5) Arrange a service of dedication for the new light bulb
6) propose to the budget committee an estimated yearly cost for keeping the new bulb lit (which will ultimately be cut from the budget in 2012)
7) Find an appropriate Martin Luther quote about light to put on the bulletin the first Sunday of the new bulb so everyone knows what "Luther would have thought about a new light bulb"
8) call the seminary to make sure it is not unconfessional to use a light bulb that may have been made by Baptists.
9) seek out private donors in order to avoid a capital campaign fund to afford a new bulb.
10) Have church split because the largest donor's great-great grandfather donated theoriginal light bulb 50 years ago.


There's just one problem. I am a devoted, happy Lutheran who is mostly of Scotch-Irish and Cherokee background, with maybe four splashes of German and a bit of English. I speak with a drawl, eat fried okra, chicken livers, pecan pie and sweet iced tea. I don't drink coffee. And, most scandalously of all...
I prefer the front of the church, not the back pew.



But, really, let's be honest.
The Garrison Keillor, "Lutfisk, hotdishes, coffee and Jell-o Lutherans".... are dying.
Baptized membership in my denomination, the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod, is down by 2 percent.
Communicant membership is down by 1.5 percent.

None of the American Lutheran denominations are growing.... all of them are either holding steady of shrinking.


But all is not lost.


In 1910, 93% of the world's Christians were in Europe or the Americas.
Only 1.4 percent were in Sub-Saharan Africa.
Now, 23% of the Christians in the world are in Sub-Saharan Africa.

In 1910, 4.5% were in Asia/Pacific.... now it's 13 percent.

Technically, the US still has the most Christians.... followed by Brazil, Mexico, Russia, Philippines, Nigeria, China, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Germany and Ethiopia.

But, counting Christians in China is notoriously hard, and most of the sources I read figured that in all reality, China is probably the country with the most Christians.

Nigeria has twice as many Christians as Germany.
Brazil has twice as many Catholics as Italy.
And....
There are THREE TIMES as many Lutherans in Africa as in the US and Canada combined!

Of the 17 countries with more than a half a million Lutherans....
6 are African,
3 are Asian.

There are three African Churches that have more members individually than the LCMS.... The church in Ethiopia, Madagascar, and Tanzania.

The fast growing Lutheran Church... also one of the fastest growing the in world... is the Mekane Yesus church of Ethiopia.

The other thing it keep in mind is this--
Not only are African Lutherans gaining more converts... the age of marriage is lower, and the number of children per woman is higher.
Acording to this map, most of the countries experiencing the most Lutheran growth have an average of at least 5 children per woman.
And, this list tells us that most Africans are marrying in their early twenties or even late teens.
 It's not a bad church growth policy to think about!

So, no, the typical Lutheran is no longer a German eating hot dishes... or a Swede eating lefse.
It's a Ethiopian eating Injera, or a Malagasy eating romazava.

All together now!

"Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world,
Red and Yellow, Black and White,
They are precious in His sight,
Jesus loves the little children of the world!"

Besides, the more colors the better!


Bonus clip:

March 4, 2018

Letting Down Her Walls


Hello, down there!
Up here....
I'm the one in the tower!

No, you can't come up here.... it's too dangerous.

Nothing like that! The stairs are perfectly well maintained.... it's too dangerous for me.

Well, you see if  you came up here, I might have to let down my carefully constructed walls, and be vulnerable. I can't do that. Someone might hurt me.

Of course people have done that before! That's why I came up here in the first place.

Let me explain. You see, people don't really want to see your true self, they want to see the neat and clean version. They don't want to get the pain from my heart dumped into their arms.... that's called oversharing. They don't want to be forced to respond to cries of grief that don't have answers.

You think I'm cynical? Well, I probably am.

But it's safer this way!


I've seen it! I'm just working off of experiences..... Just basing things off of real life.

No, I do let some people in.... some of the time..... After a they've had a background check, passed the SAT, and found the Holy Grail. Then I let them in.

You think I'm missing out? Well, I don't think so. I mean, I'm lonely, and a lot of the time I wonder why I feel so isolated, but I know it's for the best.

It's safer this way.

No, I do leave sometimes! I leave on occasion, when properly attired in Kevlar, combat boots, and a full face mask. No, it doesn't help with making friends, but.....

It's safer this way.

Oh, no, I've never had problems letting Jesus into my tower, I just make sure I've cleaned everything from top to bottom first. Can't have the Son of God in here without sterilizing everything first.

I wonder sometimes if people realize there's more to this girl than what they see. All they see is the crisp, clear put together me. What would happen if they saw the hurting, struggling, raw me. But they probably would recoil in horror.

It's safer this way.


Of course, it's possible that they would help me, listen to me, share advice and gift me with prayers..... but they also might gossip about me, or think I'm not strong... or leave me sitting in my tears....

It's safer this way.

You say that you promise to listen to me? You say that I can't say anything that will scare you off? Prove it!

But, I can't come down.... it's too scary.

Yes, I suppose you can come up here... But let me clean up first.

I don't have to Clorox everything before you come up? But then you'd see the mess.... you'd see that I don't have everything together.

That's the point?

Well..... I suppose you can come up here.

                                                                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, here it is.... I know it's messy and covered in pain....

You don't care?

Nobody's ever said that before.

What's that?

Oh. I painted that a while back... it's not very good...

You like it? You're just flattering me.

You look serious....

Come down?! Show other people my art? But, that painting is my soul in canvas and oil paint! I can't! They'll laugh at it!

I guess I could try. But if it hurts I'm coming straight back here!


                                                              ~~~~~~~~~~
Who are all these people?

They want to help me? I'm not sure I deserve the help and friendship of all of these people.

Well....here goes nothing......



They like it! They really like it!

Hey.... thanks... I needed to do this.

Do you know if there's a cottage down here I could rent?

Maybe start going to church with you?

February 24, 2018

A Passionate Hope Book Review

I'll spare you from my words for a little longer.... but here's a book review!

And, of course, the requisite disclaimer..... I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair review....

With that out of the way, here's the description from Goodreads!
Hannah and her husband, Elkanah, share a deep and abiding love, for each other, for their God, and for his tabernacle at Shiloh. Greatly disturbed by the corruption of the priests, they long for restoration and pray for a deliverer. But nothing changes as the years pass. Years that also reveal Hannah to be barren.

Pressured by his family to take another wife, Elkanah marries Peninnah, who quickly begins to bear children. Disgraced and taunted by her husband's new wife, Hannah turns again to prayers that seem doomed to go unanswered. Do her devotion and kindness in the face of Peninnah's cruelty count for nothing? Why does God remain silent and indifferent to her pleas?

Travel back to the dusty streets of Shiloh with an expert guide as Jill Eileen Smith brings to life a beloved story of hope, patience, and deliverance that shows that even the most broken of relationships can be restored.
I've read many of Jill's books in the past and enjoyed every single one of them.
This one didn't let me down.
Oh, the emotion!

I suppose I should have expected that, due to the nature of the Bible story, much of the book would focus on the relationship triangle between Elkanah, Hannah, and Peninnah.
I didn't expect it to be done quite so well!

The tension and strife between Hannah and Peninnah are handed expertly, and somehow, Jill is able to portray the stress without everything descending into a soap opera. Elkhanah's personal discomfort with the whole situation is very realistic and poignant as well.

One of the things I most appreciated about this book was how Jill created a vivid backdrop of the time. The moral decline of the era, and especially the depravity of Eli's sons is show in a colorful, yet tasteful way. Overlaid above this sinful backdrop is the contrast of Hannah and Elkanah's virtue.

The spiritual lives of the characters is shown clearly, and everything is very close to normal Orthodox Jewish spirituality. Everything is close to the Scripture, and God is the One who is lifted high through the story.

The theme of the book has to do with trusting and waiting on God throughout excruciatingly painful times, and it is clearly put forward. The emotions and faith of Hannah are both heartbreaking and inspiring, and when she finally holds the promised child under her heart, all anyone can do is cheer for her.

The book is fairly clean, and although there are some discrete references to sexual activity and physical violence, and a murdered body is found, nothing is gory or explicit.

All in all, and wonderful book that shows beautifully the pain and wonder of Hannah's life.

February 15, 2018

Forgotten Treasure


                                                   Happy Valentines Day Everyone!!!

                                      I hope you ate a lot of chocolate and celebrated with loved ones.

                                                                         And now....


                                                             Happy Lent!
Lent is a much forgotten jewel in the Christian's crown. It's the sort of thing that often gets classified only in the context of strange people who only eat fish on Friday for six weeks, and a vague notion of "giving something up..." Often, this involves giving up social media, sweets, or even something as nebulous as 'bad thought patterns.'

But yesterday, while the much of America enjoyed overpriced steaks in crowded restaurants, signed Hallmark cards, and gave lollipops with punny sayings to their children.....

I was in church with most of the world's Catholics, Lutherans, and Presbyterians.
We were celebrating something totally different.
Ash Wednesday.
There is nothing I can do to describe the feeling of going forward and having dirt smeared on your forehead as the pastor solemnly proclaims:
"Remember, you are dust
And to dust you shall return."

This morning I became aware of yesterday's tragic shooting, as a bitter, rejected young man shot and killed 17 people in his former high school. Many photos of the event show parents waiting in distraught horror....
Ashen crosses still on their foreheads from the morning's Ash Wednesday Mass.

I read the coverage here.... and it got me thinking.

When Ash Wednesday and Valentine's Day fall on the same day, we the liturgical Church, have an opening. Let's talk. When a heartbreaking tragedy collides with both.... the Church steps forward.

Because, lets face it:
Nobody wants to talk about death.
Avoid it. Pretend it doesn't exist.
But, we'll never escape' them chilly waters.'

There have been 3 deaths at my church in 3 weeks.
All 3 were dear Christian ladies, ready to leave this painful world and go home.

Let's talk about my Christian homeschool friend, Jonah, who shot himself with his deer rifle.
He was only 16.
I was 14 when it happened.
But let's avoid it.

Could we talk about my friend Julian who was stabbed mercilessly (over 20 times) in the park?
I was still 14.

Or about my friend Najae from Rahab who got out of jail only to be shot brutally dozens of times?
She was left to die.
She never escaped 'them chilly waters.'
Let's pretend it doesn't exist.

But wait....
Remember.....

"You are dust,
And, to dust you shall return."

Grieving people wail that "They didn't deserve to die that way!" "They were "too young!"

Let's chat about my other friend: He was killed "too young," "before His time." He didn't deserve to be murdered. It's His ashes I wear on my forehead.

                                                                     Reminding me,
                                                                     As I sit in the dust:
                                                                     He sits with me.
                                                                     My Best Friend!
                                                                     My Lord and my God!

February 5, 2018

A Letter to My Youth Leader

Hey.

I know you don't really know me that well... despite what you think.

I know that when you invited me to the last College Youth get together, you were trying to encourage me...

But you failed.
Just like you're failing all of us.

If I was going to watch a Disney Cartoon, I would do it with the blinds drawn, and  not tell anyone.

Watching it at a 'church' event?

That just doesn't make sense.

When the target group is 18-25?

I'm still scratching my head.

Let me tell you a little secret:

There's one way to get us youth to grow up, be adults, and turn into strong Christians that can change the world and make the devil tremble. Or, at least manage to stay out of jail, keep themselves sober, marry a normal person, stay married, raise halfway decent kids, die in our beds of old age, and keep the church alive for another generation.

That would be this:
Treat us like the adults we want to be.
I don't want to hear another word about how immature we are.
When you finally get around to having get togethers for us, to deal with real life....
Give me a call.

Listen to our stats:

A quarter of youth use opiate drugs in 12th grade.
In the same grade, 33% of us swallowed down alcohol this last month.
Half of us did it in the last year.

We will enter prostitution around age 13.
There are 20 million people currently enslaved worldwide.
2 million of them are children being prostituted.
Average life span of our friend who is trafficked?  7 years.
30,000 of us.... yes, American youth under 18....are lured into commercial sex each year.

Suicide is the second most common cause of our death.
The number one cause is drug overdose.
15% of us have seriously considered suicide....
12% had made a plan...
7.8% attempted that plan...
2% needed medical intervention.

50% of girls aged 6-12 are concerned about their weight.
80% of TEN year olds are afraid of being too fat.
30 million people in the US have an eating disorder.
76% of my peers with an eating disorder started between 11 and 20.
20% of youth with a serious eating disorder will die of a complication... ranging from starvation, kidney failure, cardiac arrest,  or electrolyte imbalance.

Between 1/3 and 1/2 of us engage in non-suicidal self harming behavior, including cutting, burning, bruising, or strangulation.
We who cut are teenage girls from middle class families and were probably abused.
And 77% of us who injure try to kill ourselves...
57% more than once.

41% of those of us in high school have had sex at least once
46% of 12th graders have been sexually active in the last 3 months.
10% of us have had 4 or more sexual partners in high school.
4% of us had sex before age 13.
 We account for 50% of the new Sexually Transmitted Disease cases
1 in 4 of us will get a  STD every year
20% of my girlfriends use the Pill at least sometimes.

1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys are sexually abused
Somewhere around 50% of us are abused in the home.
Around 1,400 of my peers die each year from abuse...
But 50% of their abuse deaths are not reported.
We who have been abused are over 50% more likely to be included in all the previous stats.

1 in 3 of us have been abused by a romantic partner.
1 in 10 have been purposefully slapped, beaten or otherwise physically harmed by their girlfriend or boyfriend.
50% of college age girls have been abused in a romantic relationship.
Only 33% had the courage to tell someone about their date's abuse...
80% of our parents don't think date abuse is a big deal, and think they could spot it...
But only 40% could correctly identify the signs of abuse when shown a list.

Yes. Those are terrifying statistics. And no, you can't pretend like they don't affect good Christian kids from middle class homes, in your middle class, suburban youth group. Those youth are not much better off than their peers.

What does this mean in simple terms?
If you take the stats at face value......

If you have 10 of us in youth group:

3 have used opiates in the past year
5 have drunk alcohol in the last year
2 are sex trafficked
2 have considered seriously killing themselves
8 have an eating disorder
4 regularly self harm
4 have had sex at least once
2 use the Pill
2 will get a STD before they're 21 and legal
5 have been abused sexually
4 have been abused by their girlfriend or boyfriend.
5 will be abused when we get back home.

Your cotton candy lessons based on the good old days? FAIL.
Your games of Twister where we had to touch the guys? FAIL.
Your movie dates to see the DC Comic film? FAIL.
Trying to get us all to think you're our buddy, not a leader? FAIL.
Pretending we don't know to sext X rated pictures, find a dealer to get skittles (not the candy ones), the cheapest way to kill ourselves, and cut ourselves without bleeding out? FAIL.
Ignoring the facts? TRIPLE-F-FAILED.

You have failed us.

WE NEEDED YOU.

BE REAL.

 We wanna talk about real issues in youth group. We wanna see lists of the signs of our real problems duct taped to our church doors, inserted into our bulletins. We wanna see education opportunities for us and our parents to do together.

Lets stop doing  this:

And instead do this:

Let's be real about the problems we face every day in school, college, our job, and things that should be carefree.... like going on dates.

The arrows that will deflate these stats are in between your Bible's covers, in your Pastor's mouth, and alive on the altar.
Not in Disney.

You have failed us. But, you can improve. It's never too late to start over. It's never to late to do what needs to be done.

Let's hear it for truth, facts, accountability, intense theology, and tools to face real life!!!

Sincerely,

 That Person Who Never Shows Up Your Youth Group.

PS.... Yes, I did purposefully use Disney songs as illustrations.... So you'd listen. Because apparently Disney is very important for our development.

January 29, 2018

Love is Not An Open Door..... It's a Covenant


"Feelings!
Ooooooh, Ooooooh,
 Feelings!"

(if you didn't get that reference..... watch this..... Now you can finish reading)

Or, in more modern words-----
"All my life has been a series of doors in my face
And then suddenly I bump into you!
 
I was thinking the same thing! 'Cause like
I've been searching my whole life to find my own place
And maybe it's the party talking or the chocolate fondue...."

So... as we in the US approach Valentines Day, I figured I'd get something out of the way...

We've all seen them. They're glued together like Siamese twins. Always petting, always kissing. Gushing to everyone in sight about their partner. Totally, hopelessly, well... silly. Forgetting their keys... their lunch.... all their old friends.

They're "In Love"
They're "Fallen in Love."

Have you ever thought about that phrase? How exactly did they fall in love? Did they trip? Was it something they couldn't stop? Is this a Calvinist saying? Is there no free will around here?

I looked up the definition of "Love" in Merriam Webster:

Definition of love                                                     


1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
  • maternal love for a child

(2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers
  • After all these years, they are still very much in love.

(3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests
  • love for his old schoolmates

b : an assurance of affection
  • give her my love

2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
  • love of the sea

3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration

  • baseball was his first love

That is one word with way too many definitions. Everything from Mother-child love, Husband-wife  love, Human-God love...... and Human-Candy Corn love.
 
"I love you, Mommy!"
"I just love ice cream!"
"Love ya, Sis!"
"I love you so much, Jesus!"
I love you, Honey! Will you...."
 
Gracious!
 
How exactly did we decide one word could handle all that pressure?!
 
I've been told that in many other languages, there are many words for love.
 
The Greek used in the New Testament is one.
There's Eros, that's sexual love.
And Phileo, that's brother/deep friend love.
Storge, which is parent and child love.
And finally Agape, which is the deep love of God for us, and the church for each other.
 
The only one that can really be "fallen into" is Eros.... also know as lust, physical attraction, or the 'hots'.

The other three require friendship, time, and work. Mostly work.

This quote says it all:


"Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep-burning, unquenchable."


Henry Ward Beecher

To put it bluntly.... This thing we've been calling love is nothing more than warm fuzzies. There is nothing wrong with warm fuzzies... they have a place. But they come and they go. They get smothered under work, children, and trials.

 
True, real love on the other hand, is hard. It's work, blood, sweat, and tears. Every day, forever. It's choosing everyday that you're still going to do this thing. It's refusing to let your hormones drive the train. It's deciding every second to serve, to give, to sacrifice. Until you die.
 
If a picture is worth a thousand words...
then let me give you a picture of True Love....
 
That is love. And we're never going to be able to do it. That's why we try. Over and over. And say we're sorry. And forgive, and forget, and throw away all the records. And cry, and laugh, and pick ourselves up and dust each other off. Forever.
 
So, no, you don't fall in love.
And no, what you feel on your second date isn't love.
Or what you feel on the day you propose, although you might be getting a hint.
 
This isn't love
 
 
 This is.
 




And, since you made it this far, I'm going to give you a reward for busting your eardrums earlier....






And before I go---
Shouts out to all my poor readers, everywhere. We're international, folks! We're from the US, Jamaica, Canada, UK, South Africa, Australia, Brazil, India, Spain and Slovakia! Howdy to all of you!
(And yes, I'm on a photo high.) 

January 26, 2018

Is this Nutcracker Magical?


Like most girls, I spent many years of my childhood dreaming about my future husband. I had long lists of qualities that I thought were necessary. These changed frequently, depending on what I considered most important.

My list spanned everything from physical appearance, personal interests, even acceptable jobs.

And then I grew up.

And I learned that men are not what fairy tales and novels create them to be. Most of those books are written by women, and the guys have a decidedly feminine flair.

Being around men taught me that most men were much less like women than they were..... men.

I  realized that most men are simply normal in appearance, had average jobs, and had masculine interests that I didn't always understand.

I looked around and had a "Come to Jesus" moment.

Most of the girls I know were also looking for the "Perfect Man."

This became especially obvious as I hung around girls who fell into more conservative circles. They were not only looking for the man who looked amazing, did a cool sounding job, and had similar interests, they needed one who was extremely religious, had a house and 15 year goals, and a family who uniformly thought they were the best thing that happened to their son.

These women waited far into their twenties, even thirties, not because they wanted to, or because nobody asked them out, but because nobody was ever good enough for them. They were searching for a man who was as strong a Christian as their favorite preacher, AND looked like their favorite movie star AND had an impressive job. Preferably as a doctor or pastor. Definitely not a pest controller, police office, lineman, EMT, soldier, or diesel mechanic. These are jobs, that, statistically, are both underappreciated and underpaid.

None of these are bad things. However, we can't have everything. Which begs the question----- What are we willing to sacrifice on?

Because, the fact is that women who want to get married can't afford to be picky anymore....... there really are less men. No, sweet friend, it's not your imagination.

The average church is 61% women, 39% men.

The joke goes that the Christian men are like parking spaces-- either taken or handicapped.

On college campuses, the men to women ratio is about 58% girls, 42% guys. And it's worse in Christian college campuses, were it often approaches two gals a one guy.
On any given Sunday, there are 13 million more women in church than men.
Most non-pastoral church employees are women.
This site gives the nitty gritty details on the gender gap.

Women are 54% more likely to attend a small group at church.

There are 88 unmarried men 18 and older for every 100 women.

Plus, if you're Missouri Synod Lutheran like me, you have another problem. The LCMS is top heavy. 24 percent of the church is made of senior citizens, compared to 15 percent of the normal population, and only 17 percent are between 19 and 30, compared to 22 percent of the normal population. Only a few years ago, it was only 10%. Average age of an LCMS Lutheran? 47. The LCMS is 53% women, 47% men..... better than average, but how many are young and unmarried? Well.... a whopping 59% of LCMS members are MARRIED! Only 15% have never been married..... and that's over all age groups.

So, no matter how often guys try to turn this around and say they can't find any good Christian women...... the fact is, there's about two women to every man in the average church. And a disproportionate number of those men are already married.

All this to say....
I've stopped looking for Mr. Right.

Now, I'm looking only for a man who fills a few carefully crafted MUST haves--
1) Is he Lutheran? Maybe Catholic?
2) Does he have a decent job?
3) Does he respect me?
4) Do I like being around him?
5) Does he value kids?
6) Is he devoted to being faithful to me forever?
7) Is he going to work on our marriage forever?


I've stopped caring about what he looks like, where he works, or even where he came from.

All I want is a good guy who loves Jesus and the liturgy of the church. That's  all I dare to die on.

Because, let's face it. Men aren't like the men in the stories. Neither are women.

Fo' Truth!


January 21, 2018

"Sorry, Prince Charming. I'm Too Young. I have to Go to College First."


It's a fact.

59% of Millennials have never been married.

What you've thought was true, is indeed true. Young people are delaying marriage longer and longer than any future generation ever did.

According to the U.S. Census reports:

20% of 18-30 year olds are married.

Compare that too--

36% of GenXers were married by that age.
48% of Boomers.
65% of Traditionalists.

The numbers don't lie.... the number of people getting married is dropping at a frightening rate.

But here's a fact you probably don't expect. Of the young people today who are single and have never been married..... 86% want to get married.

If they want to get married, why aren't more of them married?

I would put forward that it's all about priorities.... and finances.

Think about it. We have indoctrinated our children for years that marriage is a ball and chain, that they need to get everything together before they can get married, and that college and career are more important anyway.

How many married people have you heard groaning and complaining about what their spouse does or doesn't do? How many married people have you heard throwing out some variation of the "Yes Dear" joke? How many married people do you know that act like they like each other?

I know many couples that puzzle me. I'm not sure why they're married, because you never see them together. Or, if you do, they act like they hate each other. Or, if it's not pure hate, it's aloof and distant.

Yet, at the same time, we tell our youth that marriage is a wonderful, God given thing. That it's a joy and a gift.

Coulda fooled me.

This is what I see, in reality.

I've had a lot of people ask me when I'm going to college, and express deep concern when I tell them I don't have plans to attend one soon.

I don't remember a single time that anyone has asked me whether I was in a relationship, then given condolences when I expressed my lack of dates.

Everyone is quick to tell me I'm too young to choose a spouse. Nobody has told me that I'm too young to chose a career. Never has someone suggested that a 18 year old is too young to understand what $60,000 in debt really is.

This is the message that I, and my fellow young people are getting: Go to college. Rack up some so much debt that you'll be eating Ramen for six years. Focus on climbing the corporate ladder in your field. Get married once you have job, house, and new car.

It hasn't always been this way. My grandparents married young, and those who went to college didn't wait until graduation to tie the knot. My parents married young, after their four year degree, but before my Dad went to grad school.

It's not just changing the marriage age from after high school to after undergrad school.

The average age of marriage is now 27 for gals and 29 for guys.
That's post high school, undergrad, grad school, and then between three and five years after.

I'm not saying that everyone should get married young. What I am saying is this-- getting married young is not a sin, it's not unwise, and it should be encouraged as an appropriate desire.

I'm not married, but here's two articles that talk about the benefits of marrying young from people who did so. Click here and here.

This is what I'm saying.

Singles-- Don't be afraid to make getting married a priority. Don't be afraid to marry young. Allow God to bring your spouse in His timing.... but be open to it being sooner than you might have thought.

Married Couples-- Act like you like it already! Show us how awesome marriage is. Encourage us when we express longings to marry. Don't critique people who marry young. Support them, and show them the ropes.


Also-- Look! I got the pictures to work!

Saints in Full Color

In memory and celebration of the recent anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr's assassination last week, I decided to present two ...